we live everday
with fear
of death
of life
of everyone
around us
but do we fear
what we should
be afraid of
will it be there
in the night
behind
a dark
corner
lurking
or will it be
inside of
US
the true ones
we should fear
ourselves
for what can they do
to hurt us
if they don't know a thing
about us
they can't
reveal our every secret
to hurt us
only we can
hurt ourselves
until we cannot
take it any
longer so we
have to
let go of life
and everything
we know
love
hate
and finally take
our final breath
I think with this poem, because of the serious topic, you may want to have your lines be longer, to give the reader time to digest such deep thoughts. If you want the reader to skip quickly through a piece, or go faster and faster for effect like the water poem, then short lines work, but here I woul dtry longer lines with words chosen for sound. If you'd like to try a few different ways together, we could check it out during resource:)
ReplyDeleteThat was a really amazing poem.
ReplyDeleteI disagree Mr.J I liked it not having long lines, because it sounded cooler.