It licks at your fingers
face
feet
you know this is dangerous
the light
the warmth
they might find you
hurt you
even kill you
you ran away and you aren't going back
never
your feet hurt from running, your hands are black with your past
but you won't go back
never
you are going forward, up
towards something better
but for now you are down here
waiting by the fire
all the emotions seem to melt away
tempting you to give in, but you won't
not yet
Gah, why hasn't anything new been posted to this?!
ReplyDeleteI like this, you have all the elements of a physical fire, as well as all the elements of an emotional one. You blend the two very well, which is one of many things I like about writing. This comment is a little late, but still. Fire is a very good piece, and I suggest you experiment with more spacing rather than endless semi-colons. I'm no expert on it, you could ask Mr J though. WHat I can say is to space lines as you want them to read it. For instance,
When
I
Type
Like
This
Suddenly how you are reading becomes very choppy, unconsciously. Toy around with spacing, becausewhenyoudoitgetsveryfunforthereader, and you can control their pace. Try this and you can make even better pieces.
Thanks Dilpreet, I will try that. If you look down earlier I had a piece that was more like
ReplyDeletethis
without
two words in a line.